The Dash

My wife and I used to watch the old ABC TV show ‘The Middle”. It was the story of a middle-class Indiana family with three quirky kids. In some ways, it could have been the story of my wife’s family, a middle-class Indiana family with three kids.

One of my favorite episodes was when the dad, Mike, had to do a eulogy for his father. Of course, he kept procrastinating and was continually nagged by his wife, Frankie, to get it done. When it finally was time to speak, the always soft-spoken Mike delivered a fantastic story about his father’s life.

The point of his story regards the tombstone. On the marker, it always mentions the date of birth and death, which we separate by a dash. The dash is the most essential part of that stone because the dash symbolizes everything in between. It encompasses every bit of their life.

Yesterday would have been my father-in-law Thom Brown’s 83rd birthday. But instead of celebrating his birth, today we’re in Indiana celebrating the dash. He passed away on August 19th. We all have mixed feelings about his passing. Shortly after the death of my mother-in-law Nancy back in 2019, Thom was officially diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. We believe he’d been suffering for a few years, but Nancy never wanted to burden us with worrying about his health. Doctors were late in their diagnosis because he never exhibited the tremors most Parkinson’s sufferers show as the first symptom.

With the passing of his wife, the Parkinson’s diagnosis, and the COVID-19 shutdown, Thom quickly became a shell of the man we once knew. But there is so much more to ‘the dash.’ Thom was a career radio broadcaster. Early in his career, he worked for the legendary Group W (Westinghouse Broadcasting), which included time at a few well-known stations, including WOWO, Ft Wayne, WIND, Chicago, and two stints at the iconic KDKA in Pittsburgh. But after just a few years of moving up within the company, Thom gave up running the company fast track. He opted to move home to Northern Indiana to manage radio stations in his hometown of Rensselaer and then in nearby Lafayette, where he spent over two decades working at radio stations including WAZY, WEZV, WGLM, WKOA, and WASK.

While radio was essential to Thom’s life, it was a distant second to family. For Thom, the family was everything! Unlike most radio people (myself included) who are very extroverted, Thom was extremely quiet and reserved and relished his family time. He lived for the holidays, especially Christmas, and was always the taste tester for the Thanksgiving dressing. He loved his bacon extra crispy and never turned down an ice-cold beer.

For all of us, that dash between October 13, 1940, and August 19, 2023, represents a well-lived life. Godspeed, Thom Brown. We’ll take it from here…

Music:
David Fesliyan “Goodbye, My Friend”
Music used from https://www.fesliyanstudios.com

Video

365 Days

One year ago our world changed. It’s been 365 days since we received the news that my mother-in-law, Nancy had unexpectedly passed away. It started just like any other Friday. But as my wife was literally walking through the door coming home from work, we learned that the paramedics couldn’t revive my mother-in-law. She was gone.

Nancy had come home from school where she was a paraprofessional just like every other weekday. She chatted briefly with my father-in-law and then went into the bedroom to change clothes. She never came back out. By the time Thom went in to see what she was doing it was already too late. She had a massive heart attack and was gone in an instant.

My wife and I threw some clothes into our suitcases and hit the road. It was one of the longest trips back to Indiana we’ve ever experienced. At least it felt that way. The next few weeks were truly a blur. For my wife, her brother, and her sister that blur has lasted much longer. There were so many details that needed to be handled.

I helped when and where I could, but there were so many things that my wife, her brother and sister had to do wanted to do themselves. But there was one thing that they asked of me; Put together the video/slideshow that would play at the visitation and memorial service. I grabbed my laptop and started scanning pictures. Roughly 24 hours later the video was complete. Thanks to modern technology I didn’t even need to burn it to a DVD. I simply posted it on my YouTube channel and then connected my laptop to a TV. Thanks to the convenience of a wi-fi I simply hit repeat and let it roll.

There truly is no way to compress 73 year of life into a few pictures, but I tried. As I’ve now said way too many times; Make sure that you hug those who are precious to you, often. And never forget to say ‘I love you’. You never know when it might be the last time…

Music:
David Fesliyan “All Shall End”
free background music from https://www.fesliyanstudios.com

Hello Mary Lou

For over 20 years my wife has been dragging me back to Indiana for one thing or another. Usually it’s your typical family functions; holidays, birthdays, graduations, weddings and funerals.

Our journey together started in Indiana, and after all these years I thought I knew every one of my wife’s friends and every one of her haunts around the state. That’s why it was such a shock when I found out about Mary Lou. Throughout all of our years together I’d never heard of Mary Lou.   Not once.  And from what I’m finding out, she’s known throughout the state.  Of course to most she’s known by her full name: Mary Lou Donuts.

Mary Lou Donuts Lafayette INMary Lou Donuts has been a Lafayette, Indiana institution for over 50 years, about as long as I’ve been on earth, but until recently I had no clue.  How could this be?  We travel back to Lafayette regularly.  That’s where most of my wife’s immediate family lives.  Her parents have lived in Lafayette for as long as we’ve been together. (Okay, technically they lived in West Lafayette when we first started dating, but the difference between Lafayette and West Lafayette is only apparent to the people who live or go to school there.)

But not once was Mary Lou Donuts ever mentioned in a conversation.  Now to be fair, when we head back to Indiana we don’t often eat donuts.  Saturday breakfast is usually reserved for another Lafayette institution, The Downtower (where Yolanda nearly hands you your regular drink as you walk in the door).

Over the years if we did get donuts, her folks usually made a quick trip up the road to Corlew Donut Company, another local doughnut baker.  Now don’t get me wrong, I can’t remember the last time I ate a donut I didn’t enjoy, but I also can’t remember anything special from the few times we’ve had donuts from the Donut Company.

So how did Mary Lou finally enter my life after all these years?  Her name actually came up by accident just a few weeks ago.  My wife and I were on one of our weekend trips, this time traveling on Route 66 in Illinois.  We had started our day in Joliet, IL and stopped at Joliet’s award winning Homecut Donuts for a quick breakfast treat.  As we enjoyed our donuts my wife mentioned that one of the Homecut Donuts reminded her of the donuts from Mary Lou’s.  Mary Lou?  I had no clue who or what my wife was talking about.  She looked at me like I was crazy.  It was at that point she finally realized I had never experienced the donuts from Mary Lou’s.  She promised me that the next time we were in Lafayette she’d get up early and grab a dozen or two.

Mary Lou Donuts Lafayette INWell, the wait to meet Mary Lou wouldn’t be much longer.   We already had our next Indiana trip on the books.  We were going to be in Lafayette to celebrate our nephew’s first communion and my mother-in-law’s birthday just a few weeks later.  I’d been in the dark about Mary Lou Donuts this long, I could survive just a few weeks more.

Now I wouldn’t say that I’m a doughnut aficionado, but I’ve eaten my unfair share.  There aren’t many people who get to be my size without enjoying a donut or two…..dozen.  Apple Fritters, cinnamon rolls, glazed, jelly filled, cream filled, I honestly love ’em all and wanted to see if Mary Lou’s would live up to my new expectations.

So last weekend, as promised, my wife got up early (before we headed to  breakfast with the whole family at The Downtowner) and stopped by the small Swiss chalet style building that nearly everyone in Lafayette (but obviously NOT me) go to to get their doughnut fix.  It’s just a few miles from her parent’s house, so it wasn’t long before my wife returned with the goodies.  She bought a couple dozen (for the whole family not just me) and got an assortment so I could get an good idea why everyone in the area loved Mary Lou.

I had a couple right then, and have to admit I did enjoy them.  Were they the best donuts I’d ever had….no.  Were they better than average, without a doubt.  Will it be 20+ years before we visit Mary Lou again?  I can guarantee you that we’ll see Mary Lou again VERY soon.  How my wife had ‘forgotten’ to mention Mary Lou Donuts I’ll never know, but I’m glad that I finally met this Lafayette legend.

I wish I could share them with you right now, but in all honesty I don’t often share my donuts.  I have to keep up my physique.  But I am willing to share a few pictures with you!  Here’s just a sample of what Mary Lou has to offer 6 days a week.  So far, my only complaint about my new friend Mary Lou…. she’s closed on Sundays.  Click on the image to see these beauties up close.  And make sure to have a napkin handy!Mary Lou Donuts Lafayette IN